February 2012
3 posts
2 tags
make it real
this is something i’ve been saying to myself forever, for years now. “make it real.” “make it real.” as though in repeating I may appease those lazy gods of actualization. “make it real.” i was talking to myself, and “make it real” for every morning I thought i’d wake up and find it all reversed, find out “the parts were a...
we're all secretly cracked under these sturdy...
can that be a basis for jumping off? a thing between which to compare?
i suck at words lately. a lot.
i just have sounds and feelings inside of me
i feel sluggish and less able to access my words. it’s like they’re deeper in. DDEEEEPER IN!!!! I’m tempted to blame my emergent persona. Men are not forced to access their words constantly in the same way that women are. It is...
4 tags
womp womp. “the imagined gaze” makes it difficult for me to write free of judgments and biases but i shall try. it’s hard for me to write purely for myself though, which turns me to blogs, which makes me feel something of a ridiculous exhibitionist. but exhortation, exhortation. the ignition of my motivations have to cough and sputter like an aging motor vehicle just to even get...
January 2012
3 posts
wow. i’m pretty fucking over everything right now — just thought people should know. your jobs are dumb and so are you. i don’t give an Ef. Enjoy each other, you’re more well suited. I’m out, I’m out, and I don’t know how to not be wildly insensitive. I need to get this surgery to feel like a person. It’s crazy that it’s a little whilez away...
List-o-mania
A list of things I care about, maybe in order of importance/ maybe not
Pugs
Amanda
Mom
Human Rights
Trees
Dumplings
“Worddocs”
Shoe
Foot
In other news: Literally insane.
2 tags
LOTS OF THINGS!
New Year, new update. This calls for a numbered list!
About to start reviewing books for…. XXX XXXXX XXXXX. I’d type that out but I’m paranoid and this is *just* my “until I make it” blog so I don’t want to blow up my spot, obviously. But rest assured, it’s going to be AWESOME and I’m even going to get PAID!
Books are my life
Books
Getting food...
December 2011
2 posts
3 tags
HIYOW
Thanks for following my uncollected works, people. And thanks to “fuckyeaheileenmyles” for reblogging everything that I tag as Eileen Myles, seemingly. The recognition from fellow Myles fans is greatly appreciated.
Now, if only she would answer my e-mail.
This blog might suck a little because I currently divide my energy between three blogs: here and the other two. And when I’m...
6 tags
The Eileen Myles and Gertrude Stein Post
Felt it fall in earlier today, in strains of pickle juice that trickled down my throat. It all felt lost, hard, and consensual. Thought mostly about movies this week, movies and bathrooms. I thought about the way i kissed a girl in a lady’s bathroom stall and how it had been the first time i didn’t belong there in a really long time. She thought i was gay but i wasn’t, she...
November 2011
7 posts
4 tags
Thanksgiving
Drunk, high, in the arms of our lovers on our average Saturday nights. Drinking, or drunk. Fucking, or being fucked. And here we all are, grouped together, reverted back in my cousin’s child-sized bedroom. Blow-up beds strewn, piles of blankets at our feet on the floor. Being called “kids” by my aunt, the group of us, some married, engineers, all “kids” in the eyes of...
Secret List For Tomorrow
it’s not a secret, but this blog shall fast become a bastion of banalities if I let it. Anyway I need to make a list of what I need to do, and then the Internet will hold me accountable.
TOMORROW:
Internship Application, which means: Revise resume, re-assemble writing samples, and grovel to this chick whom you turned the internship down from last time!
Yeah, that whole thing above....
5 tags
Semi-all-I-do
Semi-all-I-do is write self-loathing, self-doubting prose-poems about the possibility of making it as a writer.
I just did one now.
I really am trying to switch tacks, to see prose, to let it sing through me. This is “semi-all-I-do,” and my mom said i was sad once.
Maybe everyone wishes that they had a bunch of people who at least wanted to understand.
Meanwhile I’m going to...
I want to write a poem called "No One in My Poetry...
Think it would be an interesting exposition on the topic
http://www.mediaalive.co.uk/clnt/jane/myeconomy.htm...
1 tag
Sixth Recitation Prior to the Consumption of...
I‘m going to chew off a shitty part of my life, follow a black-magic recipe requiring the tails of newts, the fingernails of virgins, the boiling of and drinking of and bathing in it, so that, as it is with the best lizards, something new will grow in shitty’s place. If your car stops running, I’ll chew and chew it until it does. Let me know if your cat is sick. Call a plumber if...
http://www.emptymirrorbooks.com/images/poets/hart/m...
3 tags
We Realized A Lot of Things About Ourselves Last...
Been trying to erect skyscrapers out of so many piles of rice, which as you can imagine is rather difficult. Been trying to cope with the hole where I picture a person being in my life, and trying to paint it every color until I manage to find some combination that I don’t hate.
I’ve been sneezing my way through Autumn like it ain’t no thang. I’ve been writing, but never...
October 2011
8 posts
1 tag
Soft Pads; Smaller Dots
The median age of the crowd was such that I found no challenge. The lot of us borne out of the same capsized boat, just tragically drowning in electric pools. The pride of having everything together here - our homes, friends, relations and lovers - leveled. The belief in the “such”ness; and just like that, as you are standing in a place you find the circles shift beneath you like...
"Everything is Cups"
Like literally. A nest surrounding. Even things that are not supposed to be in the shape of cups are cups somehow, different shapes and sizes, holding things and nesting you in.
To Be Revisited.
3 tags
7 tags
This Actually Took a Pretty Long Time to Write, In...
I feel like an ugly American but I’m not, because it feels distinctly un-American to want to stop working ever, which is finally how I feel.
Sometimes i feel like I only got a chance to love the parts of you that were “un-fun;” the parts of you that not too long ago decided to casually take up responsibility like a hobby, leaving all other “old” aspects of your...
There are a lot of things I'd say right now.
Like, “Hi, it’s Saturday night, and I’d rather sit inside than go out and do anything of importance.” And well okay. I’m at home in New Jersey so there’s not exactly anything to do even if I wanted to, but in theory,
I can’t get over the scent of limes.
The things I want to say to her: like, Hi? Remember the first time we broke up I was actually sad,...
1 tag
It Smelled Like Watermelon
So I’ve been reading blogs all day and thinking and just feeling as though yeah, maybe, some of the things that have happened have been harder on me than I anticipated. Or was willing to accept. And like having time to actually sit down and write things is a thing that rarely happens, but I’ve been feeling it all lately, deeper than I said before. So much so that I’m going to...
4 tags
All These Things
All these things and all this stuff has been happening and I’ve been trying not to be “an idiot” about it (I’m not; don’t let other people’s hate-talk bring you down) but I’m not NOT and I’m actually self-possessed and aware enough to not be bothered by trivial failure.
But all these things and all this stuff has been happening and 1) NO i have not...
September 2011
6 posts
3 tags
And Then And Then
(i wrote this when I was high, so. there’s that)
MAKE NEW
My life is a sea of impressionistic blue. I took the least realistic stars and shucked them off til I was left with the hull, the “hull thing” if you will and then i baked, boiled, and covered that in glitter. How’s that for adventure.
If you told me I’d ultimately turn to animal prints I’d be...
2 tags
What I think of Today
There is no “secret dominance” of brunettes; for me anyway. I am most attracted to those who are blond, or pale, or different-looking from my dark-shaded complexion in some way or another.
I was physically asleep for only 3 hours last night, it’s now 6 AM, this will officially become a problem… when?
I’m more interested in being interesting than I actually am;...
2 tags
And A Play
This is mostly, purely, 100% fictional but you never know which elements are culled from reality.
(Guy enters from stage left; spots Girl behind counter. The stage is noisy and bright, as this is a restaurant at busy-time.)
GUY: OH GOSH, HEY! Didn’t expect to see you here…
GIRL: Um. Yeah. Well I told you I worked here, silly! I’m actually surprised you even remembered! But what’s up?
GUY: Oh,...
1 tag
(Untitled)
And yet I write; and yet I write.
What infinite seas of bombast I float upon adrift.
I look forward to the point at which I wake up & travel to the internship & date [redacted] & take writing classes & meet others & just generally have stuff to do all the time that isn’t ONLY drinking and doing drugs (the two being mere supplements)
Has the world at long last answered...
1 tag
Life is...
What I grapple with. It is unwinding certain pens from the curls in your hair so you can write with them. It is reading certain texts that cause you to re-examine and re-evaluate your preexisting norms. Life is confusing, and life can be brief, but it definitely happens every day and you have to accept that.
The amount of things that I put up mental barriers against accepting is insane. For so...
3 tags
Something
Too hungry to eat, too hungry to NOT eat, too hungry to stand up, and most importantly too hungry to cook.
WHAT IS LIFE? Is life having a bean and cheese burrito delivered to your door? Or is it watching Parks and Recreation all day because you are hungover so you can. Or is life something less defined than even that; than even this delicate morning that we jimmy through the eye of a needle...
March 2011
4 posts
The unbelievable thing is that we were actually ready for it. Folded and re-folded like cloth napkins, the lion reaches out from under the table and onto our laps again. Eyes all innocence, far from predation, lax unlike a lion is in the accidental domesticity of a casual dining room. The creature simply paws up from under the table like it’s a perfectly usual event, like lions live in...
When you’re alone you’re really alone and This is my curse. For all the times you were held up and strangled, Black and mottled, My sixteen hells have still sung sadder songs. Or so I think to myself, drinking Alone in my dorm room That’s not a dorm room Because it’s actually an apartment, And this isn’t college anymore. I want my own place, I want to fire...
they know too much already, everyone knows too much. and I am split open already, the eggs on a sidewalk frying and previously discussed.
i can’t take it. how do i become secure in anything.
1 tag
March 1st
The truth is, I’ll never in a million years be over it. The moment you take the teeming bowl of city and mix in your inner slop like toppings, you lose that chance. That chance of separation between self and environment, of neat delineation between who you are and who you’re destined to become. Not destined so much as self-determined. We’re like slot cars in their tiny...