February 2012
5 posts
2 tags
it's silly
it’s silly to call it “Until I Make It” when I don’t even know what this so-called “making it” means. because it seems to me to be less about career success than ever. and i said this a post or two ago, tried to vocalize what I’m trying to say. my obsession with “making it real”. with “becoming a real person,” and trying to know...
untying the knots
so hard.
watching people hurt around me, and trying to help my friends make it through. trying to have them help me make it through. my best friends. my mom. my dad. the people that i know i can call and if they for some reason can’t answer the phone at that second, they will still make the effort to get back.
i’m watching someone go through something difficult, and she is pushing my...
2 tags
make it real
this is something i’ve been saying to myself forever, for years now. “make it real.” “make it real.” as though in repeating I may appease those lazy gods of actualization. “make it real.” i was talking to myself, and “make it real” for every morning I thought i’d wake up and find it all reversed, find out “the parts were a...
we're all secretly cracked under these sturdy...
can that be a basis for jumping off? a thing between which to compare?
i suck at words lately. a lot.
i just have sounds and feelings inside of me
i feel sluggish and less able to access my words. it’s like they’re deeper in. DDEEEEPER IN!!!! I’m tempted to blame my emergent persona. Men are not forced to access their words constantly in the same way that women are. It is...
4 tags
womp womp. “the imagined gaze” makes it difficult for me to write free of judgments and biases but i shall try. it’s hard for me to write purely for myself though, which turns me to blogs, which makes me feel something of a ridiculous exhibitionist. but exhortation, exhortation. the ignition of my motivations have to cough and sputter like an aging motor vehicle just to even get...